Posted by admin | Posted in Build a Shed | Posted on 08-11-2010
Tags: shed hand wages
Just wanted some opinions of my poem … please?
Missing Children suffering pain and fill the earth. Children grown men fight and die. Loved ones pass and tears shed. War on war, death to death, lost childhood, death strikes young people. drugs taken, bad decisions, young men die. waged war, no reason, are lost souls. Cop screams, gunshots, death consumes. error in error, the choice of the election, lost childhood, darkness looms. Children are the future, life has just begun. Now with this principle as well, so well. Darkness falls, I look around, where you going? future in the future, lost to cruel hand of death. Even those who stay behind are lost in grief. I was thinking in another verse, but the last line wrapped it so well. What do you think? I started a couple of verses of others, but it seemed like more like full poem to another part of this poem. I do not know, however, I'm on the fence.
You have good composition skills, and has a prosaic style that has always is good for a poet who wants to say something. "I can ask a question? It is in no way a criticism … You have clearly reached a stage where they can say what others may feel … a primary goal of art … Do you think that could happen to the stage where we could say the others did not know I felt … or were unable to express? WOW! I'm being hard on you! I like your work very much.
520. God Bless the Domestic Servant (Original)